saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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