they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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