the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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