imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
