YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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