And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
