do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
