So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
