I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
