I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
