I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
