The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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