Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
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Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
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He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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