Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
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So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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