how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
