i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
