I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
