every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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