If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
