Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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