Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
