She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
