I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
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I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
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I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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