Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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