awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
