made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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