so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
