my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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