The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize