Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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