I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
