$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
