I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
