he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
