Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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