Will you blow on my dice?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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