I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
