Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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