i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
