And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
