Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
