JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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