I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
