It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
