Pants 0. Shit 1.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
