Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
well you can't waste a boner
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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