shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
