I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
