his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
