Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
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