He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
