Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
