If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
