Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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