I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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