Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Still dying that you shit outside
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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