on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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