I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
