This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
