You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
