Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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