I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
