You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
