Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
