hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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