After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
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he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
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I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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