I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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