You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
