you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
