i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Boobs speak an international language.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
