i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
