kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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