You work out of a Hotel?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I want to be your penis for a week.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
