i jhust puked up my retainher.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
