He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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