The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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