We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
