Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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