I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
