There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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