Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
