grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
