I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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