You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
