the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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