is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
