capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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