I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My dick has a subreddit
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
